Sunday, June 21, 2015
Sunday
Normal day stuck to my routine but I still am feeling like I am stuck in the biggest period of limbo that I have been in. It is getting so frustrating but I must go on.
Friday, June 19, 2015
Thoughts
Yesterday was like any other Thursday, 4pm strikes and off to the therapist. It is funny when you step back and look at the big picture. You stand there and shake you head saying doesn't this poor soul realize that therapy and medication are just tools, doesn't he know that only he can make a difference, that at the end of the day his desire to change has to be great enough to want to do so.
Then you say apparently it is not because the poor bitch just jumped back on the hamster wheel. So you stand there watching run in circles for hours and days on end. Wanting to just find something to throw into the spokes to stop it and throw him off so that when he does he realizes Here's Your Sign.
But the one question you ask is if he is to do this does he have the tools to make it happen. And the answer is no, things he can not control keep stepping in like karma on red bull and slapping him around. He tries to get off the wheel, he makes some progress, then another hurdle comes along, no insurance therefore no doctors visits, no medication refills, no allergy shots, no way to go through his reevaluations from the insurance company.
So he sits at the bottom of the wheel still and quiet pondering what his next step should be and how he will make it happen.
The the shrink and therapist keep saying the same this. Build a stronger support system to help you through this. He has tried, joined a support group meets 2 a month was attending their movie night until 2 members got into a fight and it was cancelled. Lean on your friends he was told, and he laughed at that. At the beginning he tells you about The A Factor and The K Factor. The honest truth is that the The K Factor is about reliable as the weather which saddens him knowing they have been friends for over 5 years. His other friends always seem to have a reason not to be there but when he was the strong one and they reached out he was always there, he always made the time. What does stand out to him is The A Factor, the person in his life that he has known for the shortest period in time and leaves on the opposite side of the country is the one that is there for him the most. Even though they haven't met in person, they check on one another everyday. For that he will always be grateful..........
For he knows that he is not the easiest person to deal with, having traits that are hard to turn off because he uses them everyday in his career, so they come as second nature. Some say when does get into a mood or overly passionate about something its like dealing with Hurricane Sandy on Red Bull.
In the back of his mind he knows that sometimes that is true.
As his health became more of an issues and his emotions became harder to control people where jumping ship like they were on the titanic and he was the iceberg. Other people tried to tell him that if a person is truly your friend, no matter what the storm the will be there with you when it is over. I think the one positive note that he holds onto is that he knows when that does happen in his life the A Factor will still be there along side of him..............................................
Then you say apparently it is not because the poor bitch just jumped back on the hamster wheel. So you stand there watching run in circles for hours and days on end. Wanting to just find something to throw into the spokes to stop it and throw him off so that when he does he realizes Here's Your Sign.
But the one question you ask is if he is to do this does he have the tools to make it happen. And the answer is no, things he can not control keep stepping in like karma on red bull and slapping him around. He tries to get off the wheel, he makes some progress, then another hurdle comes along, no insurance therefore no doctors visits, no medication refills, no allergy shots, no way to go through his reevaluations from the insurance company.
So he sits at the bottom of the wheel still and quiet pondering what his next step should be and how he will make it happen.
The the shrink and therapist keep saying the same this. Build a stronger support system to help you through this. He has tried, joined a support group meets 2 a month was attending their movie night until 2 members got into a fight and it was cancelled. Lean on your friends he was told, and he laughed at that. At the beginning he tells you about The A Factor and The K Factor. The honest truth is that the The K Factor is about reliable as the weather which saddens him knowing they have been friends for over 5 years. His other friends always seem to have a reason not to be there but when he was the strong one and they reached out he was always there, he always made the time. What does stand out to him is The A Factor, the person in his life that he has known for the shortest period in time and leaves on the opposite side of the country is the one that is there for him the most. Even though they haven't met in person, they check on one another everyday. For that he will always be grateful..........
For he knows that he is not the easiest person to deal with, having traits that are hard to turn off because he uses them everyday in his career, so they come as second nature. Some say when does get into a mood or overly passionate about something its like dealing with Hurricane Sandy on Red Bull.
In the back of his mind he knows that sometimes that is true.
As his health became more of an issues and his emotions became harder to control people where jumping ship like they were on the titanic and he was the iceberg. Other people tried to tell him that if a person is truly your friend, no matter what the storm the will be there with you when it is over. I think the one positive note that he holds onto is that he knows when that does happen in his life the A Factor will still be there along side of him..............................................
Sunday, June 7, 2015
Sunday
So I am preparing to embark on a new medication and a new journey.
So tomorrow I am going to wade into the world of volunteerisum
Friday, June 5, 2015
Update
Went to the doctors today, got a lecture, and new medications. Lord help me something needs to give.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Closed for Construction
Due to the lack of support and feedback I am temporarily closing down the blog pending some minor reconstruction of ME.
Sunday, May 31, 2015
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