Sunday, June 21, 2015
Sunday
Normal day stuck to my routine but I still am feeling like I am stuck in the biggest period of limbo that I have been in. It is getting so frustrating but I must go on.
Friday, June 19, 2015
Thoughts
Yesterday was like any other Thursday, 4pm strikes and off to the therapist. It is funny when you step back and look at the big picture. You stand there and shake you head saying doesn't this poor soul realize that therapy and medication are just tools, doesn't he know that only he can make a difference, that at the end of the day his desire to change has to be great enough to want to do so.
Then you say apparently it is not because the poor bitch just jumped back on the hamster wheel. So you stand there watching run in circles for hours and days on end. Wanting to just find something to throw into the spokes to stop it and throw him off so that when he does he realizes Here's Your Sign.
But the one question you ask is if he is to do this does he have the tools to make it happen. And the answer is no, things he can not control keep stepping in like karma on red bull and slapping him around. He tries to get off the wheel, he makes some progress, then another hurdle comes along, no insurance therefore no doctors visits, no medication refills, no allergy shots, no way to go through his reevaluations from the insurance company.
So he sits at the bottom of the wheel still and quiet pondering what his next step should be and how he will make it happen.
The the shrink and therapist keep saying the same this. Build a stronger support system to help you through this. He has tried, joined a support group meets 2 a month was attending their movie night until 2 members got into a fight and it was cancelled. Lean on your friends he was told, and he laughed at that. At the beginning he tells you about The A Factor and The K Factor. The honest truth is that the The K Factor is about reliable as the weather which saddens him knowing they have been friends for over 5 years. His other friends always seem to have a reason not to be there but when he was the strong one and they reached out he was always there, he always made the time. What does stand out to him is The A Factor, the person in his life that he has known for the shortest period in time and leaves on the opposite side of the country is the one that is there for him the most. Even though they haven't met in person, they check on one another everyday. For that he will always be grateful..........
For he knows that he is not the easiest person to deal with, having traits that are hard to turn off because he uses them everyday in his career, so they come as second nature. Some say when does get into a mood or overly passionate about something its like dealing with Hurricane Sandy on Red Bull.
In the back of his mind he knows that sometimes that is true.
As his health became more of an issues and his emotions became harder to control people where jumping ship like they were on the titanic and he was the iceberg. Other people tried to tell him that if a person is truly your friend, no matter what the storm the will be there with you when it is over. I think the one positive note that he holds onto is that he knows when that does happen in his life the A Factor will still be there along side of him..............................................
Then you say apparently it is not because the poor bitch just jumped back on the hamster wheel. So you stand there watching run in circles for hours and days on end. Wanting to just find something to throw into the spokes to stop it and throw him off so that when he does he realizes Here's Your Sign.
But the one question you ask is if he is to do this does he have the tools to make it happen. And the answer is no, things he can not control keep stepping in like karma on red bull and slapping him around. He tries to get off the wheel, he makes some progress, then another hurdle comes along, no insurance therefore no doctors visits, no medication refills, no allergy shots, no way to go through his reevaluations from the insurance company.
So he sits at the bottom of the wheel still and quiet pondering what his next step should be and how he will make it happen.
The the shrink and therapist keep saying the same this. Build a stronger support system to help you through this. He has tried, joined a support group meets 2 a month was attending their movie night until 2 members got into a fight and it was cancelled. Lean on your friends he was told, and he laughed at that. At the beginning he tells you about The A Factor and The K Factor. The honest truth is that the The K Factor is about reliable as the weather which saddens him knowing they have been friends for over 5 years. His other friends always seem to have a reason not to be there but when he was the strong one and they reached out he was always there, he always made the time. What does stand out to him is The A Factor, the person in his life that he has known for the shortest period in time and leaves on the opposite side of the country is the one that is there for him the most. Even though they haven't met in person, they check on one another everyday. For that he will always be grateful..........
For he knows that he is not the easiest person to deal with, having traits that are hard to turn off because he uses them everyday in his career, so they come as second nature. Some say when does get into a mood or overly passionate about something its like dealing with Hurricane Sandy on Red Bull.
In the back of his mind he knows that sometimes that is true.
As his health became more of an issues and his emotions became harder to control people where jumping ship like they were on the titanic and he was the iceberg. Other people tried to tell him that if a person is truly your friend, no matter what the storm the will be there with you when it is over. I think the one positive note that he holds onto is that he knows when that does happen in his life the A Factor will still be there along side of him..............................................
Sunday, June 7, 2015
Sunday
So I am preparing to embark on a new medication and a new journey.
So tomorrow I am going to wade into the world of volunteerisum
Friday, June 5, 2015
Update
Went to the doctors today, got a lecture, and new medications. Lord help me something needs to give.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Closed for Construction
Due to the lack of support and feedback I am temporarily closing down the blog pending some minor reconstruction of ME.
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Friday, May 29, 2015
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Day 8
Gained 2 lbs not feeling it.
Breakfast 10:00am
Grass Fed Bacon & Free Range Eggs
Filtered Enhanced Water
Supplements
Lunch 1:30pm
Grass Fed Roast Beef
Au Jus & Horseradish Sauce
Ciabatta Roll
Filtered Enhanced Water
Supplements
Dinner 6:00pm
Grass Fed Hamburger
Brioche Rolls
2 Ears of Corn
Monday, May 25, 2015
Negativity
I seriously think we need a new holiday called No Complainers Day. Sometimes I find it so hard to move forward with all of the negativity that just comes from family. Does it make me a bad person that I am jonesing to turn around and simply say shut the fuck up your truly harshing my mellow
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Day 7
No change in Weight.
Breakfast 10:30am
BULLETPROOF Mocha Coffee
Lunch 12:30pm
Upgraded Iceberg Salad with Vinaigrette Dressing
Dinner 6:00pm
Grass Fed Roast Beef and Sauteed Vegetables
Dinner 6:00pm
Grass Fed Roast Beef and Sauteed Vegetables
Sunday Walk
Fort Washington State Park
Today the group met at Fort Washington State Park. We were suppose to meet up at 10:00am, but I had a senior moment and could not find my car keys. Then my gps took me to the wrong side of the park. By the time I finally arrived it was 10:37am. I could not find anyone from the group so I just turned on the music and went a walking. Come to find out the group did not arrive till 11:00am so we finally crossed paths at 11:20am and I got to back track over some of the part to stay with the group. All and all it was a good time, there was a nice breeze so the sun wasnt a big factor. After the walk we sat down an had lunch and chatted under a large oak at one of the picnic tables.
I enjoyed myself today.
Day 6
278.6 lbs No movement So Frustrating
Breakfast 10:30am
BULLETPROOF Mocha Coffee & Strawberries
Lunch 1:30pm
Cucumber Salad
Took some time out to make the grass fed hot dog lets hope they taste as good as they smell
Dinner 6:00pm
Upgraded Salad
BULLETPROOF Chocolate Cupcakes Coco Whip Cream and Amys Non Dairy Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream
Lunch 1:30pm
Cucumber Salad
Took some time out to make the grass fed hot dog lets hope they taste as good as they smell
Dinner 6:00pm
Saturday, May 23, 2015
Day 5
278.6lbs - No Movement
Breakfast 11:15am
BULLETPROOF Mocha Coffee
Lunch 1:45am
Cucumber Salad and Enhanced Filtered Water
Tomorrow We Try Our Hand at Making Grass Fed Hot Dogs from Scratch for the Memorial Day Holiday
Make Coconut Blueberry Ultimately Cream Panna Cotta for Dessert Tonight. The kitchen smells great I am cooking off a Grass Fed Roast and serving it with Mashed Sweet Potatoes and Sauteed' Greens.
Dinner 6:00pm
Dinner and Dessert were BULLETPROOF and Yummy
Celebrate with the K Factor
Friday, May 22, 2015
T.G.I.F. NOT
Well you can tell it is Friday, somehow family always seems to know how to kill a great mood. Its 10:50 and I haven't eaten yet because we found the need to water plants and make ice at 10:30 in the morning which is when I eat breakfast yet everyone in the house knows that WTF!!!!!!!! The lack of support in my daily life is sickening.
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Day 4
279lbs - No Change
Breakfast 9:45am
Change of Pace Strawberry Smoothie
Lunch 1:30pm
Got Lost Running Errands so for Lunch I fell of the wagon. Had 3 slices of a thin crust tomato pie with sausage without cheese and a unsweetened Ice Tea.
6:00pm
Korean Chicken with Sautéed Kale & Kimchi
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Day 3
Allergies in high swing so I woke up with a headache this morning so I will not be doing BULLETPROOF Coffee for breakfast.
278.6lbs
Progress
Looks like a Good Start
Breakfast 10:30am
Non Coffee Vanilla Latte
8 Strawberries with 3 BULLETPROOF Cupcakes 1 Package Stevia
Orange Powerade Zero
One of the things I forgot to mention is since I started the supplements at bed time over a week ago I stopped taking all of my prescription medication. So far there as been no drastic fall out. I am still dealing with the occasional bout with the tremors but other than that my mood has been improving and alittle more stable without the medication. YAY!
Lunch 1:30pm
Changed Up on the Meal Plan
Grass Fed London Broil w/ Herbed GF Butter & A Little Horseradish Sauce
Dam is was Medium and Tender YUM
Was asked to take pictures to track my progress, so on every hump day I will be adding a new picture. Not liking the way I look in this one.
Dinner 6:00pm
BULLETPROOF Roast Beef, Brussels Sprouts, Tomato & Onion Salad
What I realized today that since I am someone that does not use alot of salt that I now need to cut back the salt content in the recipes I am using
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